Thursday, October 1, 2009

14 day old night owl

Jack is 2 weeks old today, well he will be at 15:37. He has changed so much since he was born. He is awake a lot more these days. Unfortunately, its mostly been during the nighttime recently. He was doing so good, and now it seems that his days and nights are confused. I guess it is to be expected with infants, especially newborns. Daddy and I are just hanging in there, and so are the bags under our eyes.

Good news for today: Jack had his 2 week check up and he is healthy as can be! He weighs 8 pounds 8 ounces, which is 10 ounces up from last week, and 6 ounces up from his birth weight. Go Jack! Somehow I'm not surprised considering he loves his bottle. Sometimes we have to take it from him because it seems he is trying to suck that thing inside out! He's eating about 4 ounces every four hours now, sometimes less, often more. We've started to recieve the oh so pleasant blessing of formula fed, horribly smelly diapers. Who would have thought that such a little person can make such a big mess?

Blogs have been few and far between lately, I know. I'm enjoying my family for this short amount of time I have them both together in one place. Everything else is negotiable right now. I promise the updates will pick back up soon. I'm not looking forward to Jeff leaving (obviously). I get kind of panicky when I think about it right now. Could be the hormones, could just be that I'm more in love with him right now than ever. Seeing him with our baby boy, its just amazing. He's such a good daddy already. You can tell that he loves his "little man" as he's come to call him, more than anything. Andddddd..... he loves me! And I'm going to miss him. I know, I know.. Right now you're saying "It'll be okay Kate, he'll be home soon, and you have Jack now, and blah blah blah." I don't mean to offend anyone trying to encourage me, but you can never understand until you've been there. It's a different kind of hurt, a different kind of worry. One you can't prevent and can't turn off, ever. My husband is the only one that I want to talk to about it, when he's gone. I'm going to miss his arms around me. That's my safe zone. I feel like nothing can hurt me there. When I look into his eyes right now, I see that he doesn't want to leave either. But we don't talk about it much. As much as it hurts to admit it, we've kind of fallen into a routine for him leaving out of habit. And we've done it without ever discussing it. We don't talk about it or plans for the day he leaves until we absolutely have to. We almost act like its not happening soon. Sometimes of course, I have breakdowns, and I cry, and I tell him I don't want him to leave. I feel so badly when I do that, because I don't ever want him to feel guilty for the huge, courageous sacrifice he's making in fighting for his country. But he never fails to make everything better when I have those breakdowns. He just sits with me and holds me until I've calmed down, and thats exactly what I need at those times. Amazing, how he knows exactly what I need huh? I couldn't ask for anything more/better. He's my only need. He and Jack are everything in this world to me. I try to always tell myself that when he's gone, he's gone for good reason. He's helping protect other people's families... Other people's everything.

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