Monday, December 31, 2012

Day 109: Stuck in the Middle

I guess I'm just a little discouraged lately. It feels like Jeff has been gone for a loooooong time and in reality we aren't even halfway done yet. Yes, nine months sounds a lot shorter than a year, and it is. But MAN can we speed this up a bit? I am tired of cheering myself on. 

The boys and I (Luna too) just returned home from being in Ohio for Christmas. We are so lucky to have the family and friends that we do. They are always so supportive. They try really hard to make sure that we are as happy and helped as possible. Still... I ended up running home after 5 days. It was too much. I do well here, at home, surrounded by normalcy. Being back in Ohio is almost like a flood. A whole bunch of emotion, good and bad, hits me like a big wall of water. There's nothing I can do about it except wait it out... or run. I chose to run this time. Maybe next time, I'll be braver.

None the less, the boys had a wonderful Christmas surrounded by our loved ones. We even got to Skype with daddy that evening, which always makes for better days.

Other than that I have been crocheting (a lot). I've been fortunate enough to have had lots of orders to fill in December. My most popular item was this guy:

The Rainbow Owl Hat

I decided to close my shop for 2 weeks to have a break for the holidays. But I'll be back open January 4th (hopefully with some new listings as well). 

I've also been preparing to return to college. I'm so very nervous, but the school I am going to operates on 8-week terms. Which translates to me only having to take 2 classes each term to be considered a full-time student. Good news for me. I am starting simple, one math class and one english class. Starting January 14th I will be a spouse of a deployed husband, with two boys under the age of 3, running a crochet "business", and a full time student.
Ay yi yi. 
Who needs sleep right?

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Day 89: Treading Water

You know that part of your life that just always seems to be out of whack. Yeah, I kind of feel like all of the parts of my life are like that right now. 

I understand that it's normal for a wife to feel frazzled during her husband's deployment. But it's too the point that sometimes I just laugh at myself because of all the things I forget. 

Plates I have currently spinning:

1. Keeping my babies happy. Always number one on my list.

2. Being a loving, connected wife to my far away husband (i.e. mailing care packages, reserving time to chat with him, writing letters).

3. Keeping up with my ever-messier house. These boys could make a mess in a completely empty room, I swear.

4. Running my "business". I say it like that because I really it's just a hobby that other people just happened to take interest in. Link to my crochet shop, the yellow palm tree.

5. Making sure I (and the boys) remember and make it to all doctor's appointments. I'm failing at that. I missed one last week and I just found out that Jonah is late for one of his immunizations. Great!

6. Eat, sleep, shower. I suppose I should have this on the list. Yes folks, my memory is getting that bad. 

7. Insert random annoying tasks that need done here... Oil change for Talulah, finish Christmas shopping, washing machine cleaned, grocery shopping, call my high school for transcripts, bang head against wall become wonderwoman.

8. (Place saved for the things I am inevitably forgetting).

Our day wasn't too bad. Last night Jonah woke up screaming for daddy, followed by Jack waking up asking for water. So we didn't roll out of bed this morning until around 10am! That's crazy late in this house. It was nice to sleep in but when I woke up I definitely had that small heart attack every mother gets when they wake up before their kids and don't hear them in their rooms. 

This afternoon, two of my best girlfriends and I decided to have a "craft night." I worked out crochet orders, Nicole worked on a Christmas present, and Jackie made super cute hats and baby pants from old sweaters. So adorable. It was so good to sit and talk with Jackie and Nicole. And the boys always have a blast playing in her playroom with all the toys they don't have at our house. 

I didn't get to talk to my husband much today. Busy days make me miss him. Well, all days make me miss him. But days where we can't talk much always make me more sad. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up to a "good morning" message from a special someone (:

Day 88: Hiatus

Almost 33% done with this "yucky deployment" as Jack calls it. Seeing that green grow makes me happy. Hurry up time!

Where have I been?

I have been enjoying my life. (And avoiding talking about deployment, don't judge me). I have kind of separated myself from lots of people that I love very much... my family back home, friends here at Campbell and further away. If it's you I'm talking about and you are reading this, please don't take offense to my unavailability. I run, I'm a runner. I realized in the beginning of this deployment that talking makes me sad. So I stopped doing it. Though, I still really appreciate everyone's support and kind words and love. I can feel it from miles away! Just don't expect me to talk back. Smiling and nodding is probably as much as you will get from me, I hope that's okay.

How am I doing?

Ah, there it is. The most asked question of a military spouse during a deployment. Well, I guess you could say I'm hanging in there pretty well. I have more good days than bad days anymore. The nights are still really hard. Nights are when I don't get to talk to Jeff, and I'm alone while the boys are sleeping peacefully. Sometimes the quiet gets to me. Music is on almost constantly in my house, it helps a lot more than anything else I've found. My friends, Nicole and Stephen have been sent to me from heaven I swear. They take care of anything I need help with and they never let me eat dinner alone (which is a big deal in our family).

How are the boys?

Hehe. The boys are crazy as ever! The are eating almost constantly (uhm, mother-in-law who has done this before... why did you not warn me about how hard it is to keep any food in the house?). At three-and-a-half and 17 months, these "minions" keep my life interesting, exciting, full of laughter, and oh... they make me want to pull my hair out sometimes. Did I mention that? (But that's a rant for another day). How could you not love those silly faces?

Jack is loving school. His teacher, Mrs. Faith says that he's doing wonderful. He can (kind of) sing the alphabet song now. He counts to 10, sometimes further. His favorite thing to do at school is to play in the water table, so much so I have to pack two extra shirts for him each day. My favorite part about age 3 has been watching Jack learn and explain things in his own way. He says the funniest things, and he wants to know everything about everything. Per his request, I explained water towers to him a few weeks ago and he has been interested ever since. His favorite song is "the hey song" (AKA "Ho Hey" by the Lumineers) and he loves to sing and dance. I love the way he says things in his own special way. Just the other day I heard him telling Jonah to stay away from the Christmas tree and he said "Brother Allen you don't touch that, you hear?!" And he likes to ask questions now with "no?" on the end. Ex: "Thats a watertower, no?" or "I have school today, no?" He's such a goof, with such a big personality. I should start blogging more just to share his silliness with y'all.

Jonah is rotten. That's the best way I can explain his little personality. He recently began to cut all four canine teeth, or devil teeth, my own personal name for them. Jonah is all about Jonah right now. If he doesn't want to get dressed, it's a 10 minute squirmy, whiney, crying fest. He loooooooves to pull ornaments off the Christmas tree and his favorite words are "yesh" and "nawh". Take a guess at which one he uses more often (; Despite everything, he is still my cuddly baby boy. He has never really been attached to any sort of comfort toy until recently. His blanket never leaves his sight anymore. He likes to bring it to me and ask "baby up pwease" which is code for: mommy, I want you to pick me up, wrap me up in my blankey, and cuddle me tight. Oh, and no you can't do anything else, I want all your attention. K? Okay, thanks.

I have to be honest though. Jonah would much rather play with his big brother than mommy anymore. His least favorite part of the day is when Jack is at school. And if Jonah is not with me when I go to pick Jack up, Jack immediately says he wants his brother. It's adorable to me how much they love each other. Of course, they fight and get upset with each other. But I believe they are going to be the stability each other needs during the rest of this deployment and beyond. There's a saying floating around pinterest

"Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero"