Can't Sleep

I want my husband. I'm tired of putting on my mask for everyone and acting like deployment isn't kicking my butt. I hate it. I HATE it. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to stay up in all hours of the night with a baby who wants his daddy. I don't want to cry with my little boy because I want daddy too. I don't want to cry because the phones aren't working. I don't want to stalk the mailbox. I don't want to answer everyone's stupid questions like "how are you doin?" "how's jeff doing?" As if they don't know the answer? I'm NOT doin good, and neither is he.. Because our definition of happiness is not being separated for a year. I hate that I feel selfish and mean for writing all this because it's ten times harder for Jeff to be away I'm sure. If he can handle it then why can't I? Why can't I be the strong woman he needs me to be? I don't want to look people straight in the eyes and lie. Lie about the way I'm feeling with the whole situation. But when you ask me how I'm doing, I know the answer you're looking for.. And I say "good, good" partly because thats what you want to hear and partly because I don't want to talk about it anymore! But not at all because it's the truth. I just want to have my life back. I want to be back in washington waiting on my husband to get home from work, cooking dinner and falling asleep with him every night. But I can't do that. And I get reminded of that every day when I wake up frantically reaching for my husband and he's not there. I have a horrible dream every night and wake up tossing and turning because he's not here. And more than anything I need him to hold me, to talk me back to sleep. And it can't happen. And I don't even want to post this because I don't EVER want him to think it's his fault. Its not, and I know he doesn't like it either. It's just life, I love my life with him, but I'm allowed to dislike the bad that comes with the good.

Obama, please no more troops to Afghanistan. Send him home. Send them all home.

MOVED!

I've (once again) been MIA for quite a few days now. Good reason ahead I promise! I first want to say just how happy I am to be a mommy right now. Jack is asleep on my chest right now and he's just so peaceful. His hand wrapped tightly around his daddy's dogtags like they always are make this is bitterly sweet sight for mommy. Today we have 8 months and 10 days left of this deployment. While most days it seems it's going by fast, today it is lagging. I wish so badly that Jeff were here to share Jack's special moments. Every time he smiles I get tears in my eyes because I know how badly his daddy wishes he was here to witness it. I wish I could stop time for Jeff. I wish I could fix this for him. But I can't and I'm having a really hard time dealing with that today.

In other news, I have moved! Jack and I are now residing in our own apartment. I must say that I did not realize how much I missed having my own place until I got into my own place again. It's so nice to just relax and not feel like a guest. My mama and I love each other until the very end and it's not that I was unhappy living in her house. I just prefer my own space, especially with the new arrival of little man. I look forward to having many dinners and get togethers here with family and friends. I'm in the process of decorating now. When I it mostly finished I will post pictures. In the meantime, call and let's arrange a time for you to come visit Jack and I in our new home.

Jack news:

I am a very proud mama these past few days. My baby boy is sleeping through the night, in his own crib, in his own room for 3 nights running now. He loves the mobile that Grandma Beth bought for him before he arrived and it usually assists in his falling to sleep. He is also (not surprisingly I'm sure) growing like a weed! Eating 6 ounces per feeding now, sometimes more. He absolutely loves his swing, and will spend hours in it if I let him. And a new activity that has become part of our daily routine is kick time. He just loves to lay by himself on the floor and kick. Sometimes that's all he wants, is to be put down for a while and not cooped up in someone's arms. At six weeks old, I couldn't ask for a better little boy.

Daddy news:

From what I hear, Jeff has been able to call a lot of you lately! I'm so glad you've all been able to enjoy hearing his voice. I think it makes the distance a little more bearable to say the least. In our conversation tonight, Jeff told me that they have just opened up the new MWR facility on the FOB today. There are EIGHTEEN computers inside and he says it's set up very nicely with many more amenities. The gym is supposed to open very soon and he is quite excited about that as well. He also said that they are working on laying foundation for three more rows of CHU's (their living quarters). And when those are done, they will probably be living 1 person per CHU as opposed to the 2 per CHU they are living now. It will be very nice for the soldiers to be able to have that complete privacy that I'm sure they've been missing since July.

Overall today has been a pretty laid back day for Jack and I. We watched the Buckeyes kick some Aggie butt at Michelle's house today, picked up a few things on the way home, and have really just relaxed the rest of the day. Mommy probably should have been working on hanging some pictures or folding some laundry but oh well. A break every now and then doesn't hurt anyone. I'm about to lay this 10 pounds of sleeping baby down in his crib, have a cup of hot tea with some cookies, and then head to bed myself. Goodnight and love to all!

So hectic!

No I didn't die! I know everyone was worried since it's been... what four days? since I blogged last.

Anyways, I've just been living the life of a gypsy pretty much. Avery woke up Thursday morning with a temperature of 103, indicating that her flu (h1n1) had relapsed. Great. At this time, I pulled the mommy card and decided that Jack and I would make the trip to Londonderry to stay with my dad for a couple days until Avery was better a.k.a. fever free for 24 hours. Well, we're still waiting. Last I have heard, she is still running a fever. So here we are. And to top it off, my brother Maxwell started running a fever Friday! Just not nearly as high as Avery's. His hovers around 100-101. So Jack and I are staying put here at Grandpa Kevin's and just making sure to keep our distance from Max.

I've also made a big decision over the past 4 days. Yesterday I put in an application at North River Place Apartments for Jack and I. I'm so excited. My decesion is not influenced by any unhappiness at my mom's house. I'm just ready to be back in my own place. It's very hard to move out of your parents house and then go back later, especially with an infant. If everything works out right we will be living in unit d-9 very soon. I'm supposed to get a call sometime Monday or Tuesday. You all will be the first to know! Besides Jeff of course, I think he has a right to know first where his family is living. hehe.

BREAKING NEWS:

Jack just put his pacifier back in his mouth all by himself!!!!!

.........

TWICE!

Now I must go love on my little future honor student! :)

Deployment Pictures!

I got an update from LTC Clark this morning and it contained some pictures of the soldiers. One of them was of Jeff! So I thought I would share :)

Jeff, playin' on the computer. AHHH I miss him!

SPC. Lumpkin, Jeff's roommate.

And this last picture, I don't know who the guy is.. I just wanted to post it and ask if anyone knows how in the world you would get a lawnchair to Afghanistan? haha

Thats all I have for now, Jack just ate breakfast and we're heading back to bed for a while! YAY! I love my baby, he's such a good boy! Hope you enjoyed the pictures, love to all!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDDAD!

In response to the title, I'd like to first off wish a happy birthday one of the most amazing men I know. Little Jack has big shoes to fill. Jeff wishes he could be here to celebrate with you, Granddad. May you have a wonderful rest of your birthday week (since today is over) and may God bless you with many more birthdays! I love you. And so does #2! :)

Jack has his 1 month check-up yesterday morning. After mommy (9 lbs 15 oz) and daddy (9lbs 2 oz) both took bets on his weight the winner is...... neither of us! Jack weighed in at a whopping 10 lbs 2 oz! The doctor said thats right on track for his age. He is a little ahead in the length department, measuring at 22 1/4 inches. He definitely didn't get his height from me or Jeff. Jack was such a good boy. Didn't cry at all, just squirmed around and grunted and cooed like he always does. After the doctor's appointment we had lunch with Grandpa Kevin at his work. He was more than ready to show of his grandson to his co-workers. And of course everyone was more than ready to admire my handsome little man. Mommy even got lunch out of the visit! My favorite lunch was ready for me, baked chicken breast, green beans, and mashed potatoes, yum! The rest of the day was filled with a trip to walmart for formula, a trip to Hobby Lobby for polymer clay tools, and dinner with Ashley at Steak & Shake.

Today, I'm feeling so very accomplished, having cleaned the entire basement, getting all my laundry done, finishing 20 more charms, working on spanish homework, and still having time to do my daily duties as a mother! Just wanted to share about my superwoman day! Tonight, Jack and I had dinner at Aunt Chris's house for Granddad's birthday. The house was filled with the intoxicating smell of Nanny's cooking as soon as I opened the door. I told her she really should include a warning label on her food, "This product is addicting and could cause you too consume too much, resulting in the immediate gain of 5-10 pounds." Because I know I gained at least 2 tonight! Oh well, it was well worth it! Thank you Nanny for the wonderful meal. I think I will have to get the recipe from you for that chicken. I loved the breading or whatever you call it (please skip over my lack of culinary knowledge).

Too tired to concentrate enough to start some charms tonight, I am heading to bed. Jack is already there and I'm not far behind. Love to all!

Sunny Sunday

After yesterday's all too familiar gloominess, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin was so very refreshing. Although, I was up before BOB (big orange ball, as Jeff likes to call the sun) today because 4am aparently is a good time to start the day in my son's eyes. He was WIDE awake from 4am to about 8am and made sure that mommy stayed awake too. So I made the most of it, put him in his swing and got a shower, did my hair and makeup, and got my stuff ready for the day out.

We left for Papaw John and Grandma Laura's house, got there about 9:45am. Lauren had mentioned to me that she wanted to read the Twilight book series so I brought over the first one for her and it has been glued to her hand ever since. She is probably still reading as I'm typing this. Although, I don't blame her, that book is definitely hard to put down and I'm sure all you Twilight addicts agree with me. Uncle Justin sat in the back seat and cared for baby Jack's every whim and need. Laura and I talked about anything and everything. I think we both were in need of some woman-to-woman venting. We got to Papaw Mel and Mamaw Katy's house a little after 11am. Let me just say that I absolutely love the decor of Katy's house. It's that old-style country, coo coo clocks, TONS of precious moments figurines, and pictures of loved ones everywhere. It's a home, and I love that about their house. Mamaw Katy immediately stole the baby :) She adores him. And Jack made a big step today.. not falling asleep when Mamaw Katy picks him up! Woo! Go Jack! I worked on fixing their computer up a little so that they could use the internet to keep in touch with family/friends a little better. Deleted lots of un-needed programs and files, changed anti-virus protection and cleaned out Katy's emails for her. So you better be reading this Mamaw! No excuses now! hehe. We had roast pork, kraut, green beans, and mashed potatoes for lunch/dinner. It was yummy! (Another great thing about their house, always yummy food!)

Jack and I are back home now. We just talked to daddy, who's very tired as he's been up for close to 24 hours now. Other than that he's doing well and the muscle relaxers seem to be helping with his hamstring pain a bit. They are due to get a shipment of mail in tomorrow morning so I'm hoping that he will get Katy and I's birthday boxes we sent to him.

Tomorrow is Jack's one month well check-up. Anyone wanna guess his weight? Jeff says 9lb 2oz and I'm guessing 9lb 15oz. Tune in tomorrow to see if you who won! Bye for now and love to all!

Tears are flowing this morning

Jack decided to start our day at 4am today, daddy hasn't called like he was supposed to, and someone just sent me this link. Gotta pull it together now, its gonna be a long day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-iFYrgxjUc

A tribute to my soldier boys and their families

After meeting and marrying my husband, I've had two more close friends of mine join the army as well. They are both Ohio Army National Guard, but none the less, soldiers. Today one of them graduated from Basic Combat Training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina. So I thought I'd dedicate my blog today, not only to him but to all the soldiers out there, and especially the three in my thougts tonight. And lastly, and often most importantly, this is for the families of the soldiers. They are the rock, the roots that hold them steady. Here's to you..

CPL. Jeffrey A. Davis (Currently serving in Afghanistan as part of Operation Enduring Freedom) - Baby, I love you and I'm so proud to be your wife. You're amazing, and I know you are hating being away right now. You are doing a very selfless thing. nothing can compromise my love for you. I can't wait until you get home! Only 9 more months!

JOHN AND LAURA - I wanted a picture of you and Jeff to add on here too, but I didn't have one :( I apologize, but I wanted to recognize you too!

PFC. Adam L. Murch (Currently in AIT combat medic training at Fort Sam in Houston, Texas) - If I ever had a big brother, if I ever claimed someone to be my honorary big brother, it would be you. You've ALWAYS been there for me, and I know you will do the same for your soldiers as a medic as well.  

PVT. Jacob A. Peecher (Completed and graduated from Basic Combat Training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina today) - You and I have been friends forever and I'd never once heard you mention the Army until you told me you were signing. Regardless, I couldn't be more proud. You are a great friend to me, one of my very best. Congratulations on graduating today, bud!

CPL. DAVIS, PFC. MURCH, and PVT. PEECHER I love you all. Thank you for your service. If there's anything at all that any of you need, you know the number. To the families, I am here for you as well. The military is a bond that is different from any another. We are a family in ourselves and must watch out for each other. I'm so proud of these soldiers and their families. Stand strong boys!

My new lifeline

So, I found out the hard way that cell phones and baby bathtubs don't make for a good result. My poor, poor LG Lotus went fizzled away in the toddler spa before I could salvage it. After many what I consider unnecessary jokes and ridiculing, my oh so loving husband and I decided that I could not go without a cell phone. So Jack and I packed up in the car and headed to the Sprint store, taking the recently bathed Lotus with us. We made a quick stop at the post office to mail daddy's birthday care package first. It will get there late (his birthday is Saturday) but at least he'll get it eventually. Upon arriving at the Sprint store. An associate who I normally always deal with there, Garron, immdiately approached me. As he was asking me "How can I help you today?" I think he saw the humor/frustration on my face. I told him what happened, and he kind of laughed. Proceeding, we found in my account that I would have to pay full price for a phone because I was not yet eligible for any upgrades. Okay, that sucks, but I was expecting it. I started looking at my options. There's hardly any non "smart phones" anymore, and no phones under the price of 300 dollars. Consdering these two things, I decided I would spend the extra money and get the smart phone that I wanted. It came down to two final choices, the Palm Pre and the HTC Hero. Both touch screen, one with a QWERTY button keyboard, one without. One an android phone, one not. I decided on the HTC Hero. It's much like ATT's iPhone. It harbors wi-fi, and has tons of applications that you can install, depending on your interests. So far I have installed just a few applications. The ShopSavvy app. allows you to scan barcodes using the phone's camera, and then it tells you where you can find the item the cheapest locally and online. The Calorie Counter app. also scans barcodes, then tells you how many calories are in the food item. The third and last app. I've installed so far is called Shazam. Shazam listens to a song thats currently playing and identifies the title and artist. It then saves it to your phone as a reminder for you to purchase and download it later. Overall, as you can probably tell, I'm still learning about this phone, but I'm loving it so far.

Just can't get enough Jack

"Daddy is my super hero"

Getting into the Halloween spirit!

Hanging out with great-grandma Bouillion

Nothing too exciting today. Jack slept midnight to 6am then 7am to 10am. Which obviously means I got the same resting hours. Gosh, I love my little boy. I didn't hear from my other love today. I think the communications are out maybe. I'm hopeful for a phone call tomorrow. Upon waking up at ten, I fed Jack and then he enjoyed his swing for a while during mommy's shower. Following, we went for a walk around the corral. Jack fell back to sleep thanks to the rocky, bumpy ride. At 2pm we met Great-grandma Bouillion and Great-Aunt Kathy for lunch at Charley's. Grandma and Aunt Kat tried everything they could muster to awaken the zombie baby. They mostly failed, only succeeding when Jack decided he was hungry enough to open eyes to eat. We sat in the dining room of Charley's Steakery for THREE HOURS! Of course we weren't actually eating for that long, mostly just visiting, catching up with each other, and etc. It was nice. We, hopefully, will do it again soon. We picked up some more formula on the way out of town and headed to grandpa Kevin's house for a visit. Grandpa was, as always, completely elated by his grandson. The smile on his face just lights up my day. I'm glad that he is having such a great relationship with his grandson already. It's so cute! :)

Now we are home and relaxing for the rest of the night. Long day makes mommy a baby tired! Goodnight and love to all!

3 down, 9 to go!

Yay!!!! I'm feeling so accomplished today. We are in single digits for months left and we're kicking this deployment's butt! Don't get me wrong it's been an emotional roller coaster on both sides of the world, but overall we are handling it very well in my opinion. Not that I ever had any doubts. It's just nice to think that I can do this, I am doing this. I'm strong enough. And the best part is that I know when I'm doing okay, Jeff doesn't worry as much. Therefore, he does better as well. Nine months and my husband will be back in my arms, and our son back in his. I can't wait!

As a reward for myself, I enjoyed a relaxation massage at Looks Unlimited Spa today. I highly reccommend this service for anyone who needs to destress. Call Melissa immediately! It was amazingly relaxing. I haven't found many thing that will let me fully relax between Jeff being deployed, a new baby, started back to school, etc. But today, for an hour I really was at peace with everthing in my mind. I even rescheduled for next month, and will probably continue to return regularly in months to come after that. I think that having my massage to look forward to every month will help the time to pass quicker. It will give me something immediate to be excited about, rather than focusing on the long term homecoming. Kudos to you Melissa the massage therapist, you've earned an additional regular client!

Jeff arrived back at his FOB safely yesterday. He is back with his unit and enjoying the many new amenities that have been added to his abode since he left. He says the food at the newly operating DFAC is much tastier than what he's become accustomed to so far. There's been a downgrade in some of the other conveniences, however. There is no longer access to computers and internet availible for use. Aparently, the sattelite has been tampered with by one of the soldiers, resulting in the sattelite eventually breaking. Now, they have to wait for someone to come to the FOB to fix it. When this person is coming is currently unknown but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it'll be soon and that the soldiers will STOP messing with things! In addition to no computers, the number of telephones available has been cut down to three for the entire FOB. Meaning hugely long lines and even more limited use. A new MWR tent (where the computers and phones are housed) is being built at this time. The word is that the current computers and phones will be moved in as well as additional of each, as soon as the tent is completed. How many computers and phones will be added? Who knows. While the decrease in communication tools is grounds for being a little discouraged, I just have to remember that we are blessed that they've maintained any contact devices at all.

Dear Army,

Thank you for your efforts to keep families close emotionally when you must physically separate them. You catch a lot of heat from military and civilians alike claiming you don't do anything for families. I am apologizing for them. It's inevitable and known that military families will probably experience at least one deployment in the wartime we are currently enduring. You must take my husband, at least you're trying to help keep us as comfortable as you can. You don't hear it enough, this is an Army wife saying thank you!

Sincerly,

a very proud army wife.

Splish Splash

Jack had his first real bath last night. Up until this point he's had sponge bathes while we were waiting for his umbilical cord stump to disconnect. But before bedtime last night, he actually got to sit is his infant tub in the water. He didn't cry at all! In fact, I think he sort of enjoyed it. I gave him his pacifier and he just sat contently while I proceeded to wash him up. Just wanted to share! Here's some pictures.

"Ooooo.. why am I in water?"

"Thanks mama, that feels good"

Washin' the hair

All done!

Deployment = Completely Normal

I haven't heard from Jeff since Wednesday night. I'm assuming he is back in Afghanistan. The last time we spoke he had a flight scheduled from Kuwait to Kandahar, so he should be back in theater by now. I'm actually glad he's finally back there, because he has missed his guys so much. I miss him too, but I know that he needs to be there with them right now. For the health of his soldiers, and for the emotional needs of himself. As you can probably tell I am doing okay with the re-deployment. I've done a lot of self-finding in the past couple days. With the help of my son, I've found that I really do have a great life. Everyone says "I can't imagine what you're going through, I couldn't do it." Well, actually yes you COULD do it.. if you had to. You never know what you're fully capable of until you're forced to find out. What kind of life would I have if I walked around moping constantly about how I miss my husband? Of course I miss him, I miss him and worry about him more than you can imagine (like you said). But I refuse to stop my life just because he's not here, I refuse to stop OUR life. He's living his doing his job and I've got to keep things going back here at home. Having Jack has assisted in making me realize just how important completing this task is. Jack needs to know that when his daddy leaves, it doesn't mean anything bad. It just means that Jeff has to work away from home for a while helping other people who really need him. Deployment is going to be a regular part of our lives with a career in the military, so it needs to seem exactly that to our chilren... regular, and normal. I know that I will still have breakdowns, and our kids will too. But thats normal too. As long as 90 percent of the time our life is still our life.

In other discussions for today... Jack slept from 11pm-5am last night. No, you're not seeing things! You read that sentence right, my wonderful baby boy slept 6 hours straight through the night! Gosh, I love him so much. Jack- you are the most considerate little 22 day year old boy that I know :) hehe.

Before his amazing sleeping skills last night, we enjoyed dinner at Papaw John and Grandma Laura's house. Steak, mac&cheese, salad, and chocolate pudding! Yummy. It felt so good to be at their house just hanging out and relaxing. I have gotten a lot closer with my in-laws over the 15 days of R&R Jeff was given, and I'm glad I did. I love them, and I know they would/will do anything for me and Jack that they can. Justin and Lauren are great company as well. Lauren is so very sweet and I'm hoping she and I can enjoy some good girl time within the next 9 months. Justin is always wanting to help with Jack, doing anything and getting me everything I need. Its evident how much he loves his "baby Jack" as he calls him. I'm so very lucky to have such a great ... family-in-law? Is that the correct term?

I would like to clear up what has been going on with Avery. She indeed contracted the H1N1 virus. Doctors diagnosed her without a test and with no offering of any kind of treatment. They said to keep everyone away from her, take tylenol for the fever, and wait it out. I'm happy to report that she is doing much better and will probably be heading back to school Monday. She hasn't run a fever for over 24 hours and is playing and bouncing around like normal Avery today. Jack and I are looking to be in the clear. We've strictly confined ourself to the basement for the past few days as a preventive measure. Both he and I are at a pretty high risk for contracting the virus even without it being in our home. Jack, because he is a newborn, and me because my immune system is low and I have chronic asthma. Mom has played a big part in keeping the two of us healthy, keeping Avery upstairs and cleaning and washing everything she's touched.

In closing, I would like to say how very excited I am for 2pm tomorrow. I will be enjoying an afternoon massage at Looks Unlimited. I chose an hour of a relaxation massage, figuring it was well overdue and will be beneficial to my emotional side to relax a little. Look for results tomorrow! Love to all!

3 weeks and counting

Our baby boy is three weeks old! NO WAY! He is growing extremely too fast. Seems like just yesterday I was heading to the hospital to have him. His face has changed so much since just 21 days ago. He looks less like a newborn and more like a chubby-cheeked baby every single day. Also, to me at least, I see his daddy in him more and more each day as well. (Which I'm completely okay with!). I think that I'm falling into my role as a mother pretty well, and a single mother at that. Avery has been sick since Monday and mom has been caring for her. Since I have such a low immune system and because Jack is so little, we've been strictly confining ourselves to our basement apartment. Only climbing the stairs to the next floor when we have to. As a result, I have been thrown into the single-mothering lifestyle fairly quickly. I went from having a daddy to help and lots of visitors to help to it just being me 24/7. But really, it hasn't been all that bad. Jack is definitely cooperative in the effort. I wouldn't be half as happy with our routine if he wasn't such a good little boy. He sleeps mostly through the night (11pm-8am), only waking up once around 3-4am to eat. He sits peaceful in his swing (which I set in the bathroom) and allows me to shower and dry my hair, do my makeup, etc. Most time he is just content as long as he's close to me. He even does well on our outings, just chilling out and looking around from his stroller. I'm so appreciative of all these things. I think daddy must have maybe had a talk with him before he left about being good for mommy ;) So here's to you Jack, mommy's little man!

My heart is traveling again.

Well Jeff has headed back overseas. R&R was amazingly enjoyable and much needed for both of us and Jack too. Jack and Jeff immediately bonded and continued to throughout the two weeks they were together. As a mother, that is the single most heart-warming sight to me. Seeing my baby boy bonding with the man who has my heart. I know that Jeff worries about it sometimes but there's no doubt in my mind that Jack will remember him fully come July. They are two peas in a pod!

Jeff called today and said he had made it through Germany and he is safely on the ground in Kuwait. No word on when he'll be continuing on. He sounds well and said that he was able to sleep quite a bit on the three flights he's endured so far. I recieved a deployment update from Cpt Fausnaugh today as well. The update contained information stating that the DFAC (cafeteria) was up and running at the FOB and the soldiers are enjoying much better food, and many more choices in foods as well. Also a big improvement has taken place since Jeff left. 3-17 (Jeff's unit) has moved into their RLB's. RLB's are kind of like a mobile shed, for lack of a better description. Imagine a semi-trailer, but the size cut in half. I think there are four guys stuffed in each 16 x 8 square foot RLB. While space is tight, each one contains an air conditioner and heater. The best feature of them though, according to the soldiers, is that they have blinds installed that when closed completely block out the sun. This has asisted majorly in the resting of our guys during the day, after they've gotten off of their night shifts. The MWR facility (where soldiers are given access to computers, internet, and phones) are on the schedule to recieve 15 more computers on top of the 5 they already have by the end of the month. This will allow for shorter wait lines and more frequent usage as a result, hopefully.

After leaving the airport Monday afternoon, I stopped by a Babies R Us store since I was already in Columbus. Jack is growing like a weed! He is already comfortably fitting into 0-3 month clothing. I picked up a couple more outfits in that size that were on sale, the "What to expect: the first year" book, formula, and...... his halloween costume!! He is going to be peas in a pod. Jeff and I had seen the costume on a website online when we were looking before. Then I saw in it in the store and it was even cuter in person, too cute to pass up. Here is a picture

He is going to look so cute. I can't wait to dress his up in it! Well the new episode of NCIS is coming on. Its one of Jeff and I's regular shows, so Jack and I are going to watch it and head to bed. Love to all!

Introducing.. the poop-face

My mom has always joked about how, when I was a baby, I used to make this specific face when I was pooping. I laughed it off every time she reminded me of this.. until these past couple days. Jack definitely gets this face from me. While this face is cute, you have NO idea what kind of mess is lurking about 10 inches south from this decieving adorableness. I truly belief that God made babies cute because otherwise people wouldn't like them. Don't mistake my words for meaning I don't like my son, I love my son dearly and wholey. But my lord is he stinky sometimes! I had no idea his little body could even produce such a "show". We have been lucky enough to only get a few of the dreaded explosive "gifts" so far. But I have heard that the TNT gets worse and more frequent with age. I guess we will find out. For all of you out there with children, why didn't you warn me? hello? And for all of my family/friends without children, I'm more than happy to be your poop-face warning liason to the parenting world.

Past couple days have been nothing out of the ordinary. Jeff and I are enjoying our time together and trying not to think about him leaving. We've mostly just stayed home lately. The UPS man brought me my books for school yesterday! I'm so excited to start at the end of this month and seeing the books, the physical evidence that I'm really re-entering the education world, that just made me even more excited. Last night, my husband and I enjoyed a "date night" at Olive Garden, just the two of us. My mom offered to watch the baby for us so we could have some time out of the house alone for the first time since he's been home (and last time most likely). I achieved a big accomplishment just in leaving the house without Jack. I have been very emotionally unstable in that area thanks to post-partum hormones. But last night, I did it. I was able to put my worries aside and enjoy my husband (and the breadsticks! yum!). Just wanted to congratulate myself, so thanks for letting me gloat.

Currently this morning, the boys are out "huntin' squirrel." By boys I mean Steven and Jeff. Steven has been a staple here at the Hartshorn/Krebs/Davis household lately. He and Jeff are so funny together. They have one of the most genuine friendships I've ever known. Living proof that some people in this chaotic world we call life really can be fully trustworthy and good-hearted friends. Sometimes I tend to look for the bad in the world and forget the good. Bad often overshadows good, but the good will always overcome the bad.

14 day old night owl

Jack is 2 weeks old today, well he will be at 15:37. He has changed so much since he was born. He is awake a lot more these days. Unfortunately, its mostly been during the nighttime recently. He was doing so good, and now it seems that his days and nights are confused. I guess it is to be expected with infants, especially newborns. Daddy and I are just hanging in there, and so are the bags under our eyes.

Good news for today: Jack had his 2 week check up and he is healthy as can be! He weighs 8 pounds 8 ounces, which is 10 ounces up from last week, and 6 ounces up from his birth weight. Go Jack! Somehow I'm not surprised considering he loves his bottle. Sometimes we have to take it from him because it seems he is trying to suck that thing inside out! He's eating about 4 ounces every four hours now, sometimes less, often more. We've started to recieve the oh so pleasant blessing of formula fed, horribly smelly diapers. Who would have thought that such a little person can make such a big mess?

Blogs have been few and far between lately, I know. I'm enjoying my family for this short amount of time I have them both together in one place. Everything else is negotiable right now. I promise the updates will pick back up soon. I'm not looking forward to Jeff leaving (obviously). I get kind of panicky when I think about it right now. Could be the hormones, could just be that I'm more in love with him right now than ever. Seeing him with our baby boy, its just amazing. He's such a good daddy already. You can tell that he loves his "little man" as he's come to call him, more than anything. Andddddd..... he loves me! And I'm going to miss him. I know, I know.. Right now you're saying "It'll be okay Kate, he'll be home soon, and you have Jack now, and blah blah blah." I don't mean to offend anyone trying to encourage me, but you can never understand until you've been there. It's a different kind of hurt, a different kind of worry. One you can't prevent and can't turn off, ever. My husband is the only one that I want to talk to about it, when he's gone. I'm going to miss his arms around me. That's my safe zone. I feel like nothing can hurt me there. When I look into his eyes right now, I see that he doesn't want to leave either. But we don't talk about it much. As much as it hurts to admit it, we've kind of fallen into a routine for him leaving out of habit. And we've done it without ever discussing it. We don't talk about it or plans for the day he leaves until we absolutely have to. We almost act like its not happening soon. Sometimes of course, I have breakdowns, and I cry, and I tell him I don't want him to leave. I feel so badly when I do that, because I don't ever want him to feel guilty for the huge, courageous sacrifice he's making in fighting for his country. But he never fails to make everything better when I have those breakdowns. He just sits with me and holds me until I've calmed down, and thats exactly what I need at those times. Amazing, how he knows exactly what I need huh? I couldn't ask for anything more/better. He's my only need. He and Jack are everything in this world to me. I try to always tell myself that when he's gone, he's gone for good reason. He's helping protect other people's families... Other people's everything.