Saturday, September 22, 2012

Days 5 and 6: We have hit "the wall"

It has been a long two days. Let me preface this post by saying I love my boys, I am so very thankful for them, and I would do anything I could to take any and all of their pain away.

They say during a parent's deployment. Children will regress, they will act out, they will test the "left behind" parent, they will cry, and do things that just really don't make sense. As a military family, we've been told this on many occasions. It's hard to fully understand though until it happens. For the first few days, the boys were normal. They got into normal things, they made their normals messes, and they cried because of normal reasons. Of course they were both sad, but neither of them really knew what to think or how to process it so I assume they just carried on as they usually do. Yesterday and today has been a whole different ball game. Jonah is crying almost constantly. He wants to be held, and he wants my full attention at all times. But really, he doesn't want me to cuddle him and love him, when I pick him up to hold him sometimes he still cries and fights me. He literally does not know what to do with himself. My poor guy :(
Jack has decided he hates to go potty now. He went through 5 pairs of underwear today. He isn't listening, he instead just repeats his question or comment until I change my answer to something he approves. Or he ends up screaming when I tell him I already answered his question. I know in my heart that my children are just trying to work through all this stress. At one year and three years old, no one can expect them to know how to do that's But it's all very exhausting for this mama, both physically and emotionally.
I so hope that it will pass soon, or I can figure out a way to help them.

Despite the stressful few days I've had, my best friend Erin is here visiting and making things a bit more bearable and a lot more fun. Jack is in heaven. Some of you who have been reading for a while may remember that Erin was my constant "helping hand" during my husband's first deployment. Jack spent the first 9 months of his life spending almost as much time with her as he did with me. Erin is one of Jack's very favorite people. She also drove from Ohio to stay with Jack while I was in the hospital giving birth to Jonah. I am so very lucky to have her in my life and so are my boys.

It takes a special kind of person to come into my crazy house and not lose their patience (or mind) and she's doing great (: Tomorrow we get to spend a while without the boys thanks to CYS. The offer child care on certain days for spouses of deployed soldiers, for us to "catch our breath" if you will.. Who knows what we will get into, but it's sure to be fun. I just hope my boys aren't to upset about spending some time away from mama. I normally wouldn't worry because they usually do so well with stuff like that. But after the last two days, I honestly couldn't tell you how they will react in the morning. Praying its not so bad. Call me a softie, but I still cry if I have to leave them crying for me :(

Lastly, I just want to tell my husband (on the off chance he'll get to read this) that I miss you so much. I have found myself wishing more than ever that I could talk to you and rely on you for advice and ideas about what to do to help our children. You are so good when it comes to them. Just know that I love you, and I am still thinking about you every second of every day. I wonder what you are doing, and what you are thinking about. I am so thankful for the time that I get to talk to you but 15 minutes a day is not even close to enough. Though, I could talk to you 24/7 for the next 9 months and it still wouldn't feel like enough. I am impatiently waiting for the day I can feel your arms around me again. I love you.

Hope y'all have a great weekend (:

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