Today at my mom's house, I had my first deployment-related breakdown since quite a while ago. And it wasn't because of the reason you would expect. I simply am sad to be leaving Ohio again. I'm ecstatic that Jeff will be redeploying soon, but it's so hard to have to say goodbye again. To cry and mourn our my separation from loved ones again. To see my mother's hurt in her eyes and know that it's because of me. I know that this is all a part of life, and more specifically the life Jeff and I chose. But it doesn't make it any easier, nor does the fact that I'm experienced at goodbyes make this one any less devastating.
With tears flowing from my eyes, I look across the room and see my lovely mother holding my precious baby boy. I see him look at me, and then I see his eyes start to fill with heartbreak. He frowns and his lips turn down into the saddest expression I've ever witnessed. Those big baby blues overflow and the heartbreak spills onto his cheeks. He reaches for me. I pick up this angel disguised in osh kosh b'gosh overalls and a blue striped tee shirt and he continues to cry. And then, this little 17 pound person finds the strength to reach through his sorrow and give me the biggest, most loving, baby kiss... And I start to smile. He does it again, and I smile and look at his beautiful face. The third time he gets me right on the lips, and I laugh. He smiles at me. And we both have stopped crying.
What a miracle this little boy is for me! What a healing power he has! I need him just as much as he needs me. I care for him and he cares for me. I make him smile, and he brings that same smile to my face. I can't explain it, but his heart calms mine. He lets me know that everything is going to be okay, because I have him. Because we are a team. And together, we will get by, together we will get through it all.