Here's a post you will completely understand and never understand all at the same time. Enjoy.
Never fails, I think I've got something all figured out... I have asked the right questions, got answers, figured out my plans for every "what if" that could happen... and then something slaps me in the face that I absolutely didn't see coming.
I think I get most pissed off that things don't go my way. I like to plan things, and when I make plans I expect them to go exactly as I planned. Unfortunately that's usually never the case.
I'm not sure how to deal with changes. I get scared. I cling to what I love. I usually get whiney and need lots of reassurance. When things are changing for me, that's when I'm most vulnerable... and I hate being that way. If I could run away, I totally would. But I'm a big girl and it's not really socially acceptable to do that anymore.
I can't handle the nothingness. I don't like the unknown. I want to know how and why and when things change(d). Mostly, just why.
I need to know that all that time I spent wasn't a waste. I need to know that the juice was worth the squeeze.
Sometimes though, you don't ever get answers. And that's the point, where you just have to let go, I guess. Letting go is the hardest part.
I will always wonder where I went wrong. And I'm not sure I'll ever stop caring. But the weight on my heart has got to go.